Merry Christmas Funny Wishes 2022, Messages, Text, Greetings, Christmas

Merry Christmas Funny Wishes 2022, Messages, Text, Greetings, Christmas Funny Wishes For Friends, Family, Kids, Funny Christmas One Liners, Merry Christmas Funny Jokes Adults 2022, Christmas Funny Jokes Humor, Smart Christmas Jokes, Rude Christmas Jokes, Modern Christmas Jokes, Christmas Dad Jokes 2022

Merry Christmas Funny Wishes 2022 Messages
|1| This Christmas, may your family be functional and all your batteries be included.
|2| Merry Christmas! May your happiness be large and your bills be small.
|3| Wishing you a Merry Christmas filled with good times and even better wine.
|4| A Christmas Reminder: Don’t try to borrow any money from elves; they’re always a little short! Have a Merry Christmas!
|5| Santa told me you’ve been very good this year…I told him it was just a lack of opportunity. Merry Christmas!
|6| I hope you’ll have so many gifts this Christmas that you’ll get tired of counting them. And then you’d wake up and realize it was a dream! Merry Christmas!
|7| The best thing Christmas teaches us is that you can be fat but still can be happy about it. Just look at Santa Clause! Merry Christmas!
|8| Christmas is surely a wonderful night – until you wake up the next day to stumble upon the mess of last night and credit card bill makes you blind!
|9| Remember, Santa is watching. Everything. Yes, even that. Anyway, Merry Christmas!
|10| Christmas is a very spiritual time, and in order to keep your spirit high, you need vodka, gin, and whisky!
|11| Who needs a Christmas gift when they have a friend like me? I know you feel lucky all the time. Wishing you Merry Christmas dear!

|12| I decided to spend time with you rather than buying something with the money. Because TIME IS MONEY anyway. Merry Christmas!
|13| Nothing in life can be gained without a promise to be returned. Even Santa comes with a clause in Christmas! Have a fantastic time!
|14| This is the time of year to be grateful to Jesus because he got you a few extra days off from work.
|15| All my dreams came to reality when I married you. And now I know why reality is always so hard to accept. Wishing you a Merry Christmas!
|16| I can’t imagine a sentence without the ‘F’ word when I’m talking with you. But today, my Christmas wish for you is going to be full of the ‘M’ word. Merry Christmas!
|17| All I want for Christmas is passing our classes with good grades! Merry Christmas to you and me too!
|18| What a perfect time for you to be grateful for having me in your life. You may not always admit but I already know you’re so lucky. Merry Christmas!
|19| The way you handle the tangled Christmas tree lights tells a lot about you. Some of them are unspeakable!
|20| Yay! It’s Christmas! Let’s buy loads of stuff you have no idea why you need them.
|21| My only wish this Christmas is to empty your wallet and drain your credit care resources.
|22| His name is Clause. Santa Clause. The Force is with him. And he’ll be back!

|23| Whoever said “All is Calm” has never been to our house around Christmas. Hope you’re having a merry Christmas too!
|24| If you’ve never been to our house around Christmas, you know nothing about having fun at Christmas. Hoping to see you around this season!
|25| A Christmas reminder: Don’t try to borrow any money from elves … they’re always a little short! Have a Merry Christmas!
|26| Wishing you hope, peace and lots of Christmas cookies this holiday season!
|27| They say the best Christmas gifts come from the heart … but cash and gift cards do wonders too! Happy Holidays!
|28| Please note: Christmas is canceled. Apparently, you told Santa you have been good this year … he died laughing.
|29| Is it just me, or does Santa look younger every year?
|30| Christmas is mostly for children. But we adults can enjoy it too, until the credit card bills arrive.
|31| Eat. Drink. Be Merry. Have a wonderful Christmas!
|32| I told Santa you were good this year and sent him a link to your Pinterest board. Merry Christmas to you!
|33| Merry Christmas! Hope you didn’t spend too much — unless, of course, it’s on a gift that I want!

|34| Happy Yummy Cookie Season! Hey, Santa isn’t the only one who enjoys a tasty, sweet treat.
|35| Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal!
|36| Sorry to inform you but Christmas is cancelled this year. Apparently YOU told Santa you were good this year and he died laughing.
|37| May Santa bring you all the presents you desire, especially if it comes with a trunk and four tires!
|38| Merry Christmas! I put so much thought into your gift that now it’s too late to get it.
|39| Wishing you a white Christmas! (And when you run out of white, just open a bottle of red).
|40| You should know that you are getting older, when Santa Claus is starting to look younger.
|41| In a world full of Scrooges, be a Grinch! At least he has a cute pup. Merry Christmas!
|42| Merry Christmas! Don’t worry, this card has been SANTA-tized!
|43| This holiday season, let’s make it a point to cherish what’s truly important in our lives: cookies.
|44| You’re a gift in my life. And not the kind I’d return for store credit. Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas Funny Jokes Adults 2022, Christmas Funny Jokes Kids 2022, Smart Christmas Jokes, Rude Christmas Jokes, Funny Christmas Jokes For Family, Modern Christmas Jokes, Christmas Dad Jokes 2022
|1| What comes at the end of Christmas Day? The letter “Y!
|2| What does Santa do with out of shape elves? Sends them to an elf Farm.
|3| What do you call a scary looking reindeer? A cari-boo.
|4| How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming? He refers to his calen-deer.
|5| How do sheep wish each other happy holidays? Merry Christmas to ewe.
|6| What do you get when Santa becomes a detective? Santa CLUES!
|7| Why wouldn’t the Christmas tree stand up? It had no legs.
|8| What is an elf’s favorite sport? North-pole vaulting.
|9| How do you know when Santa’s around? You can always sense his presents.
|10| What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas? Cross-mouse cards!

|11| Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars? Their days are numbered!
|12| Where does Santa keep all his money? At the local snow bank.
|13| What do you call a broke Santa? Saint Nickel-less
|14| What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree? Nice gnawing you!
|15| Why don’t crabs celebrate Christmas? Because they’re shell-fish.
|16| What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
|17| How did Scrooge win the football game? The ghost of Christmas passed!
|18| Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer!
|19| What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast? The One Show!
|20| What do reindeers say before they tell you a joke? This one’s gonna sleigh you!

|21| What do you call Santa’s little helpers? Subordinate clauses.
|22| Why don’t you ever see Santa in the hospital? Because he has private elf care!
|23| What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has No-el.es
|24| What do you call an elf that can sing and dance? Elfis.
|25| What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas? Twerky!
|26| What’s every parent’s favorite Christmas Carol? Silent Night.
|27| Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy!
|28| What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes or Ice Crispies.
|29| What did the stamp say to the Christmas card? Stick with me and we’ll go places!
|30| How is Christmas exactly like your job? You do all the work and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit.

|31| What does the gingerbread man put on his bed? Cookie sheets!
|32| Why was the little boy so cold on Christmas morning? Because it was Decembrrrrr!
|33| How does a sheep say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad!
|34| How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle!
|35| What do you call Santa when he takes a break? Santa Pause.
|36| What does Santa do when his elves misbehave? He gives them the sack!
|37| What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsil-itis!
|38| What did Santa say to the smoker? Please don’t smoke, it’s bad for my elf!
|39| What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? Rude-olph.
|40| What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad? A pineapple!

|41| What happened to the thief who stole a Christmas calendar? He got 12 months.
|42| In what year does New Year’s Day come before Christmas? EVERY year!
|43| What does an elf study in school? The elf-abet.
|44| What is a bird’s favorite Christmas story? The Finch Who Stole Christmas.
|45| What kind of motorcycle does Santa like to ride? A Holly Davidson!
|46| What does Mrs. Claus say to Santa when there are clouds in the sky? It looks like rain, deer.
|47| What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Do you smell carrots?
|48| What do snowmen take when the sun gets too hot? A chill pill.
|49| What should you give your parents at Christmas? A list of what you want.
|50| What does a grumpy sheep say when his friends told him Merry Christmas? Baaaa humbug!

|51| Who delivers Christmas presents to elephants? Elephanta Claus.
|52| How does a snowman lose weight? He waits for the weather to get warmer!
|53| Why does Santa work at the North Pole? Because the penguins kicked him out of the South Pole!
|54| Why didn’t Rudolph get a good report card? Because he went down in history.
|55| What kind of photos do elves take? Elfies!
|56| Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey—he’s always stuffed!
|57| How do you scare a snowman? Grab a hairdryer!
|58| What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs? Anything you want. He can’t hear you!
|59| How does Santa keep his bathroom tiles immaculate? He uses Comet.
|60| I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me, “Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace. So I bought her nothing.

|61| Why does St. Nick like the Temptations’ version of Silent Night best? Because Santa Was A Rolling Stone.
|62| What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claus-trophobia!
|63| What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar? He got 25 days!
|64| How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas? He was hooked on trees his whole life.
|65| Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws!
|66| What does Jack Frost like best about school? Snow and tell.
|67| What kind of ball doesn’t bounce? A snowball.
|68| What did one snowman say another snowman? You’re cool.
|69| How do chickens dance at a Christmas party? Chick to chick.
|70| What falls at the North Pole and never gets hurt? Snow!

|71| What is Santa’s favorite pizza? One that’s deep-pan, crisp and even!
|72| What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish.
|73| What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh? Santa walking backwards!
|74| What’s Santa’s favorite snack food? Crisp Pringles.
|75| What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?A rebel without a Claus.
|76| Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll!
|77| Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.
|78| Why are Comet, Cupid, and Donner, and always wet? Because they are rain deer.
|79| What’s the Grinch’s least favorite band? The Who!
|80| Why was Santa’s little helper depressed? Because he had very low elf esteem.

|81| A book never written: How to Decorate a Tree, by Orna Ment.
|82| What do you call a blind reindeer? I have no eye deer.
|83| Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soot’s him.
|84| What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit? Crisp Kringle.
|85| What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly? Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.
|86| What’s Santa’s favorite song by the Ramones? Blitzen-krieg Bop.
|87| I can’t get to the chocolates in my advent calendar. Foiled again.
|88| What do the elves call it when Father Christmas claps his hands at the end of a play? Santapplause!
|89| How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit? No Brussels.
|90| What do you say to Santa when he’s taking attendance at school? Present.

|91| Did you know that Santa’s not allowed to go down chimneys this year? It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.
|92| What’s the difference between Santa and a knight? One slays the dragon, the other drags the sleigh.
|93| Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? It needed to be trimmed!
|94| What is Santa Claus’ laundry detergent of choice? Yule-Tide.
|95| Why was Theresa May sacked as Nativity Manager? She couldn’t run a stable government!
|96| What do you call Kris Kringle when he goes on his wife’s health insurance? A dependent Claus.
|97| The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.
|98| Why does Santa have elves in his workshop? Because the Seven Dwarfs were busy!
|99| What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat? Hits a gnome and runs.
|100| What do ﬁsh sing during the holidays? Christmas corals.

|101| What is a Christmas tree’s favorite candy? Ornamints.
|102| What did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker!
|103| What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues!
|104| To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I’m turning my house into an Italian restaurant.
|105| Why did Frosty ask for a divorce? His wife was a total flake.
|106| What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas Quacker!
|107| Why does Scrooge love reindeer so much? Because every single buck is dear to him!
|108| Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ‘ho ho ho’!
|109| How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing. It was on the house!
|110| What is the best Christmas present in the world? A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!

|111| How do you help someone who’s lost their Christmas spirit? Nurse them back to elf.
|112| What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps!
|113| What did Adam say the day before Christmas? “It’s Christmas, Eve!
|114| What’s the most popular Christmas carol in the desert? Oh caaamel ye faithful.
|115| What’s as big as Santa but weighs nothing? Santa’s shadow!
|116| Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose!
|117| Why do mummies like Christmas so much? They’re into all the wrapping.
|118| What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day? St. O’Claus!
|119| When Santa is on the beach what do the elves call him? Sandy Claus
|120| What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!